Behind the Masks
by assassinerblue
Summary: The Second war has been raging on in spite of all the hardships Severus Snape is suffering. And things are only about to worsen when the abusive father he has not seen in twenty years returns with good intentions to work for the Order. [PreHBP] On hiatus.
1. Never Look In My Eyes

**Behind The Masks  
**by  
The Bell and the Black Dragon

**Summery:** Severus Snape has had a generally hard life. He made lots of decisions that changed his life, for better or worse. Why? I'd say it had something to do with his abusive father. This is not one of those "Severus is ten and we show his life from there." No, the war wages on. With one change. Daddy's back. Post OotP

x

The rain poured down mercilessly, cracking down his mental shields and beating on his consciousness like an anvil. It almost hurt to breathe. Was it possible to feel this terrified and this exhilarated at the same time? He watched the pouring rain with a feeling of justice undone, with a feeling of only the surreal calm before the storm.

He watched as lightening arched across the sky, beautiful and threatening at the same time. Brushing his shoulder length black hair out of his eyes, he watched as some of the other recipients of The Night Bus awoke from the clashing thunder.

He was a man of about six foot two, with obsidian black eyes that sparkled full of intelligence, and a desire to rectify past mistakes. He was currently on his way to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Looking down at the newspaper he saw his own face printed on the cover. Under that he saw the headline and story. Bold words to be about him:

**Dr. Shaeden Snape, 58, Saves Young Girl**

_Angelita Dennice, 7, was given a second chance in life by the world-renowned healer Shaeden Snape. After battling with Brain Fever for three years, the young girl finally seemed to have lost her fight. The only way for her to heal was a very complicated operation on her brain_

_With the girl's young age this was a definite risk, but with the parents permission, they went on with the difficult surgery. Brain Fever is an infection of the brain, due to the contraction of meningitis._

_After the four-hour operation, the girl has finally been given the chance for a normal life, thanks to the talented healer._

x

Shaeden gazed at his picture. It had been taken, along with this interview two days ago. He looked at the long black hair, the pale complexion, the high cheekbones, the sculpted lips and the crooked nose. There were almost impossible to see, gray streaks in his long hair, that no one would notice unless they saw them every day when looking in the mirror.

When the world looked at him, what did they see, he wondered? Did they see a wealthy man, dressed nicely, with a fruitful career? Or did they see the loneliness in his eyes, and the wish that he could change things, and have back all that he had taken from himself; to erase his self inflicted emptiness.

_It's all my fault… all my fault._

You know that they say about murderers… When you look in the mirror, never look into your own eyes, because what you see will haunt you till the day you die. He understood this, and understood this well, though murderer he was not. He might as well be, for all the lives he had ruined. Hogwarts… it had been a long time. He wasn't quite sure why he was going.

He had just received an owl from Albus Dumbledore, yesterday, asking him to drop by for tea around three or four. He had said he had a proposition. Shaeden didn't know what that meant, but was all too willing to find out. After all, one did not just ignore an invitation from Albus Dumbledore. If Dumbledore had a reason for inviting him, then Shaeden believed he had a reason enough to go. He trusted Albus Dumbledore. He had had complete faith in Dumbledore when he had said Voldemort had returned.

And now this. It had been so long… would he still recognize… _him?_ Would he be able to recognize his own son? Would his son even want to be recognized? No. He would not. That he had made clear upon their last meeting, almost twenty years ago. Twenty years. He had been thirty-eight then. He had been twenty one when his son was born, thirty-six when his son had run away from home, and thirty-eight when he had last saw him. He was fifty-eight now. _Twenty years… my god… twenty years…_

Severus had been seventeen the last time he had seen him. And now he was going to Hogwarts where Severus lived. He had his own place to live in the summertime, he knew. When fifteen, he had run away and spent the summer in Diagon Alley. The next year he did so again, and at seventeen he resided in Malfoy Manor with his best friend Lucius Malfoy, who had, just this summer been named a Death Eater.

_Yes, I know in book 5 they say Lucius is 41, where we know Severus is 37, but I changed it for my story, Lucius is now 37 also._

He never knew if his son was also a Death Eater, and if so he was very cunning to have a position at Hogwarts and still not get caught. He hoped his son was not. He hoped his son had made good choices, though his father didn't. He hoped the if so, his son had changed his ways… Even if so, he had no doubt that the way he felt for his father hadn't… He never doubted that Severus hated him. Still did. How could he not, after what he had done to the boy? To his own son?

He could still hear the screams when he slept at night.

"_No! Father! Stop, please stop! Don't hurt me anymore! I haven't done anything wrong!" The young boy lay in the corner, tears streaming from his face as a tall man came at him, eyes bloodshot, betraying his alcoholism. _

"_Shut up! You are nothing! You are just an insolent wretch that I have to put up with! You dare stay here, and befoul my house! You are just another worthless mouth to feed!"_

_He then rounded on the other occupant of the house, who huddled in the corner, scared and sobbing, unable to look up at her husband hurt their son. She was frail and looked like she had once been beautiful, but the stress of being beaten had aged her years; she looked close to death._

"_You dare defy me! Look at me when I speak to you! I. Said. Look. At Me!"_

_Sobbing, she did as told, knowing what would happen if she didn't obey. With a yell of fury he brought his hand across her face with all the force he had, yelling to her about how weak he was, as he did so. With a cry she collapsed to the floor. _

_The young Severus through himself out of the corner and jumped on to his mother, shielding her with his own body, the next attack, meant for her, hit him, and he went flying off his mother; his father, it seemed, had not even noticed he had been there in the first place, intoxicated as he was. _

_The young boy tried to muster up enough strength to save his mother, something she had been to afraid to do for him, but it was to no avail, the young boy, who couldn't be more than a day older than five had tears streaming down his face, and it would seem his jaw had been broken. His father hit his mother once more with enough force to knock her into the wall where she fell motionless. _

_He yelled once more about having to live with worthless being not worthy, than ran into the bedroom, slamming it loudly. He struggled once more, and was able to crawl to where his mother now lay unconscious on the ground. As she regained consciousness a dry sob wretched itself from her throat. But Severus Snape's young eyes grew hard. He hated his father for doing this to him. _

_But his mother… she knew her time wouldn't be for long. She was slowly losing the battle which she had to fight every day. Everyday she told herself she would be strong. She said that she would raise the strength to fight him, and to leave him, and to take her son with her, and that she would never let her husband ever again touch their son. _

_But every time she saw him coming after her, drunk once more, she couldn't help but try to run. And her son? What of him? How long before he would stop fighting? How long before he too, would lose faith?_

_She tried to be strong – really she did. But it just didn't seem to always work out. She knew she was becoming frail and would not give up. But she knew she could not live much longer._

But she would, Shaeden knew. She would live through their divorce. She would live through remarrying to one who had seemed wonderful at first – but he would be just the same towards her as he had – just worse as he had no excuse for it. He did not drink. He did nothing. He was just… that way.

He beat his ex-wife and son – _no! Not your son! You lost the privilege to call him that! You have no right! – _But that man had beaten them for fun. It had to have been ten times worse than anything he had inflicted upon them in his drunken sprees.

But she would live through it. Just as she would live through Shaeden remarrying to a prim and proper detached woman who cared nothing but for her vanity and his money. But that was all Ammarie Snape would live through. Leaving her son at the age fifteen, she would depart from the world.

The only good thing that came out of his marriage to Severus's detached stepmother was that she did not care for her public image to be ruined, having married a drunk. So she stopped that part. She enrolled him into the wizard equivalent of a muggle alcohol-free clinic, where they teach you to learn what you are and stop it. And he would stop.

He became free from what webs had once ensnared him. But it was too late. About three days before Ammarie would die, he was released from the clinic declared fully healed. He had lost his wife. One he hadn't really known. And a son, who's whole existence had been nothing to him but another worthless mouth to feed.

He had lost everything he had never really had.

When free of the alcohol he had been freed from the tangle of strong walls that had once eluded him. But he had lost the fight after all. He fell to a state of absolute melancholy; he would feel loss at it's greatest.

Severus's hateful and abusive stepfather would take custody over him. That same step-father would sign papers at the Ministry of Magic stating that until the legal age of eighteen, Shaeden Snape should not be able to come within a three mile length of his son.

Just when he had corrected his mistakes, the chance to rectify what he had done to his son, he had lost him again. He became a drunk once more. Falling into a state of depression, this time there was no selfish woman to aid him in his trials. No one except his son.

So when he learned of his son running away from home, and fleeing away from his stepfather to the Leaky Cauldron, he had followed. And when he saw his son he couldn't help but feel the loss he had suffered. He had left _this_ behind for drinking? He had left his own flesh and blood. His son saw him… and recoiled.

There it was. He had only had one glass of... that didn't matter did it? He was still a drunk. He was still the same man who had made the first fourteen years of Severus's life hell.

And his son was afraid of him. When he realized this he had silently walked out of the bar and spent the next two years trying to gain a semblance of the life he could of had. That's when it happened. He had been in Diagon Alley applying to see if there was a healer's job open at St. Mungo's. There was. He applied. But a job wasn't the only thing he had found on that day.

As he finished filling in the application, he looked up to meet the stunned eyes of Severus Snape. He had frozen. There in the cobbled streets of Diagon Alley he remained stationary. The wind winded it way through the sky making swirls that knocked his breath away as he gazed into eyes like his own.

He could only have guessed what was going through the boy's head. He tried to remain calm but the tattoo of his heart was growing unsteady. He walked over to his son and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Than his son's mouth grew into a thin line, unrepressed hate in his eyes, not even trying to dissimulate the anger in his eyes, " What are you doing here?" His son asked, hate etched into every word.

"I – I was getting an application in for a job at St. Mungo's… I… I have a… talent for healing, it would seem."

" Really? Since when? Well, that's quite ironic, healing, as you spent most of your life pursuing… other interests…" He could see no sign of ctuggle for composure on his son's face.

Shaeden winced at the insult of it. "Well… I was signing the application out and… well…" He could feel a black holeappearing in his chestat the cruelty in his seventeen year old's heart.

"So, what is it now? You have the audacity to come in here – to come to me – after what you did, and make claim of your worthy sagacity? You dare, after what you did to me? How dare you be so bold, when all my life you abused me? The very man I was supposed to call 'Father'? You are nothing but a drunk who spent his life making his wife so frail that one push from someone else and she died!"

Severus seemed to be shouting now. He was so angry.. this must have been years of repressed hatred... how long had his son waited to say this? The hole seemed to be growing larger. It felt like a part of himself he didn't know of was closing in on itself, the walls collapsing where they stood. He cleared his throat, seeming to have mislaid his voice, as it had fallen, along with the rest of his heart into the ground beneath him.

As he looked into coal-black eyes, he realized his heart was breaking. He had had a beautiful wife and a beautiful baby boy. It was only when that baby boy had grown up, and was standing in front of him, with this hate in his eyes, did realize what he had had. And what he had missed out on.

"And you have the daring to stand in front of me now, talking like a reasonable man, as if you had never spent half your nightsunconscious, then wake up with a hangover that made you... beat me! Well you don't have the right! How dare you presume you're able to still talk to me! Well, you cant! I never want to speak to you again!"

And with that, his only son spun around and charged across the cobbled streets. He felt his world crash as he chased after his son, shouting his name.

"Severus! Come back! Severus, I need you! You are my _son!_ Please! I'm so sorry for hurting you like this! I was... stupid – I... I had no control! Severus – I… please… I _need_ you…"

He trailed off, tears falling from his face, he fell to his knees, tears cascading down his face in rivulets. His shoulders shook, and he looked down, unable to look at the son he had so wronged, who had slowly turned and was watching him now. He could barely stand, but he did, wiping tears from his face. He desperately tried not to look weaker in front of his son, weaker than he had already proven to be.

He looked up at his son and whispered, "Please… You're my son – I need you…"

His son took about three steps toward him, tentatively, cautiously, timidly…

Shaeden reached out his hand toward his son, fingers extended, Severus looked at it, not sure whether he should take it. Looking up into his father's eyes, he saw the open honesty, the ingenuity and sincerity… and reached his hand towards that of his father. He stared at the long slim tips reaching for his own and wondered if he were dreaming. His son… was willing to forgive him...or... at least _try?_

Then again... didn't a boy need a father? How would they turn out otherwise?

Their fingertips were inches apart when a voice called out.

"Severus!"

His son jumped away from him as if scalded, hand falling at his side. He felt something in him stir. Regret? Regret that the voice couldn't have called a few seconds later? Severus's eyes jumped up to his and Severus looked provisionally stunned.

"Severus! Where are you!"

Eyes never leaving his father's, his son responded. "I – I'm over… over here, Lucius."

A handsome, aristocratic looking seventeen-year-old boy stepped over to them, saw Shaeden, and his eyes widened.

"Severus!" He ran to the other boy and stood in front of him like a protective older brother. "I swear, if you ever lay a hand on Severus again, I swear I'll– "

" –Is there a problem here?" A smooth and refined voice flowed. They all looked up to see Luthien Malfoy looking down at them.

"Father! It's him! He's come back to hurt Severus!"

"I – I did no such thing! I wouldn't lay a hand on my son!"

"Well, you've done a good job holding true to that so far haven't you?" Luthien said maliciously, a cruel smirk in place.

"Come, boys. We will go home."

Shooting one last glare at Shaeden, Lucius headed after his father, jerking his head in that direction, telling Severus to come with.

When all Malfoys were out of sight, there was an uncomfortable silence. Severus simply stared at his father a moment. Then something in his eyes hardened, and he turned and walked away.

A single tear fell from Shaeden's eye as he remembered how he had fallen to his knees in the street after his son's back disappeared from view. He had howled his misery in the middle of the street for the world to hear. He had not slept well for months after that. And he cried himself to sleep every night for weeks. It had been painful. And it had been twenty years ago.

And he had not seen his son since. Nor had he taken one sip of alcohol.

He wiped the tear away. The Night Bus's wheels shrieked to a squealing stop. They had arrived. He headed for the door and was bade goodbye by Stan (F' yoo see Neville make sure ya say 'Lo to 'im for me, will ya? Will ya?)

Looking up at the castle's many turrets and towers he wondered if his son was in one of them.

_Time to face the music._

x

x

x

I hope you enjoyed it... And yes, I know the teenaged Lucius is very out of character from the one we recall as an adult... But I'll explain all in due time... Well I hope you enjoyed :) Please review... a "Hey, it was great!" or a"That sucked and you shouled be carted off by the fanfiction police!" is all I'm looking for... :)


	2. Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

Author: The Bell and the Black Dragon

**                                                                                                                          Behind The Masks**

**Summery**: Severus Snape hasn't had a very good life. What made him decide to make the decisions that he did? What are the reasons that made him turn away from that path? His childhood, I think had something to do with it. cough(abusive father)cough This is not one of those ones where Severus is ten and we show his life, no, the war wages on, but with one little change. Daddy's back. OotP spoilers, but doesn't focus on book .

Chapter 2 – Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

He was met at the gates by a kind, yet stern looking woman. He recognized her at once.

"Hello, Professor Mcgonagall," he said.

"Greetings," she said in a no-nonsense voice.

    She said this not unkindly, but still, it had a definite coolness. He wondered vaguely if his son had told her of him. He doubted this was something one talked about, and yet he got the feeling she knew something about him, about how hew had treated Severus in the past, and didn't approve.

    He must have been drunk when she had seen him with Severus. Maybe once at Diagon Alley, or when he had had to visit the school, on account of Severus's grades being the highest in the school, in about every subject.

  She had once taught him. A long time ago. He had been a Slytherin, and had gotten good marks, was favored by all teachers who had been Slytherins themselves. Yet, his parents had been wonderful. He had no reason to have turned into a drunk, or to have turned out has he had in any way.

 This teacher, however had not changed, it would seem. Still strict, just a few more lines around the eyes then he remembered. But she seemed very stiff, as if being in his presence was an insult. He knew there must be some reason.

  They had been walking. How long they had been he didn't know, as he had been lost in anticipation of seeing his son again. She didn't know his thinking, nor did she disturb him from it. She led him quietly along, to wherever, he supposed, Dumbledore's office was. He realized he had only been in there a few times and he had probably been drunk for every single visit.

  He wondered how Dumbledore would react to seeing him again. Would he look at him with disgust, perhaps, for the way he had been when in the office before? Would he look at him with disgust, for the way he had treated his son? Would his son perhaps be in the room?

 They stopped in front of a stone gargoyle. She said the password (fainting fancies) and said, "Very well, you will speak with Dumbledore inside. Do not take a long time, he is a busy man, and I am to lead company up here soon. You should be done by then."

  With that, she walked away, leaving him completely alone, the same way he been the last twenty years. He had divorced Severus' stepmother, Delia, the moment he realized she wanted his money, not him.

And so there, he was, about to knock upon the door, nerves jangling inside him, heart full of lead.

"Come in, come in," said a kindly voice, greeting him in a voice quire the opposite of Minerva Mcgonagall's.

He opened the door with great trepidation, to find only the Headmaster inside. Whether he was comforted or disappointed at the absence of his son he was unsure.

"Well, you are probably wondering why I have called you here today, no?" asked the Headmaster, eyes twinkling.

"Well, I had wondered, yes." He said, heart lightening at the kind expression, and absence of his son.

"I have learned it is not the best to put things off for longer than they need to be, so here we go. Have a seat and I will tell you." Dumbledore said, conjuring tea from thin air.

He sat and accepted the steaming cup of tea from Dumbledore, great fully, after his long trip.

"Well, you have perhaps, heard of the rising of Voldemort?"

     He shook his head yes, and the headmaster continued, "Well, ever since his first rising, years ago, there has been a group called the Order of the Phoenix. We work against him, but in secret, and the Ministry still knows not. You know of Voldemort's break-in at the Ministry?

"Well, the Order got there just in time to stop Voldemort from gaining something of great importance. But several members of the Order were harmed. You may have tended them yourself, as they were taken to St. Mungo's.

     "But this alerted me to the fact that this is very dangerous line we are treading. We are upon the edge of a blade, and now more than ever we need a healer we can trust. We can not afford to bring members of the order to St. Mungo's, lest there be questions of why they are there.

 "It would be dangerous for us, if the Ministry found out. And  I saw the Daily Prophet the other, day, and I knew you were definitely a healer we could trust. So, I offered you come here, and now I have offered a job in the Order."

"I – I… well, I don't know… I have to work all the time, and get called in unexpectedly, and… and…"

     "I am not going to pressure you, but think, this is a fight for the safety of all the people in the world, wizard and muggle. As a healer you should care for those who are injured fighting for your safety also. This is something we cannot ignore. It will come up eventually, and… there is one thing you should know.

 "I know you must have wondered, after the capture of so many Death Eaters what had happened to your son. You know not whether he is one, all you know is he works here. Well, to Voldemort he is a Death Eater, to me, he is a spy on Voldemort."

Seeing the confused expression on Shaeden's face he said, "To Voldemort he is merely a Death Eater, to me, he is a trusted friend who goes to every single Death Eater meeting and comes back to tell me of Voldemort's plans."

Wait… his son… was a spy… for Voldemort… he mustn't come back from that healthy and fit.

Suddenly, it seemed a very good idea to take the job as healer.

Than another thought sank in. A spy… and he's not here now….

"Where is he?" He questioned, eyes narrowed, "where is my son?"

Dumbledore sighed, what twinkle that was usually in his eyes going out.

"You are right, in assuming, of course, that he is away at a meeting at this very moment. He was called away earlier in the day, and he hasn't arrived back. He also, consequently, does not know off your arrival here at the school. I must ask you, when he arrives, not to reveal yourself immediately. He will be, indeed stressed and very tired. Allow him a night rest and reveal yourself in the morning."

Shaeden nodded his consent, than he wondered, "Why does he not know I am here? You offered me an invitation a few days ago. Shouldn't that be enough time for him to have found out?"

Dumbledore smiled slightly, a bit of the natural twinkling setting in at his obvious train of thought.

 "Yes, it is true that I have had the opportunity to tell him; but I understand that you two have a somewhat… touchy relationship, and there never seemed to arise the right time to tell him, I knew you would be coming, but alas, then he was summoned, and I knew I couldn't tell him then, just before a meeting."

"I though you said it's best not to put things off when you could do things today?"

Dumbledore laughed slightly. "You've got me there, son!"

Shaeden winced at the name Dumbledore had used in a light tone. Dumbledore seemed not to notice. Either that, or he was too polite to comment. Latter, more likely.

     He shivered slightly. He would see his son again. It seemed surreal, somehow. That after so long, it was finally happening. He couldn't believe, that after so long… would his son still reach out for him? Or had it simply faded from his mind, and he cared not?

     The possibilities were eating away at his heart very slowly, and he could scarce believe he was actually sitting in Dumbledore's office, sitting and sipping tea, while elsewhere his son was bowing to Voldemort. About to come back. He knew that Severus would probably been in pain. God, he knew.

   He had healed patients before, patients who had been followers of Voldemort, and he knew that followers were treated no different than the enemies. Especially if the follower was found a spy. He only hoped that day would never come. He understood Dumbledore's wish that he not shock his son, after a confrontation with Voldemort.

He remembered a patient who had come in, with no arm. He had cut it off himself. Why? In hopes he could no longer feel the dark mark.

   They had managed to re-grow the bones, and then the tissue, and skin, and they had done it without reinstating the mark. He was out on trial and sent to Azkaban, but with the recent breakout, he knew that the man was probably in Voldemort's custody, meaning he was dead for being a traitor.

   Suddenly the door opened. He spun around for a wild moment, half expecting his son to waltz through the door. Then he cursed himself in stupidity. His son would most likely not come in that way. He couldn't exactly walk through the school after a Death Eater meeting, or someone might ask why he looks half dead on his feet.

 So, he night get from the meeting by portkey. Meaning he would come directly here. If he portkeyed to his rooms, he might pass out there before he could get to Dumbledore, and Dumbledore could do nothing to help him.

Which meant he would be seeing his son a lot sooner than he thought.

   As it were, Professor Mcgonagall was back.  And with her was a young woman he didn't know, but had recently seen in the Daily Prophet as one of the aurors to help try and defeat Lord Voldemort at the Ministry of Magic. The picture had been black and white. So he hadn't been able to tell that here spiky hair had been bubblegum pink. He still didn't know that, as her hair color was not a violent shade of dark blue.

   He wondered vaguely what was going on, mind still on his son, then he remembered Mcgonagall telling him she would soon lead more company up and he had better clear off by then. Oh well.

   "Ah, Tonks! Nice to see you again, and healthier too! You are all right then, dear, I presume?"

The young looking witch nodded, causing her afore-mentioned blue spikes to bob up and down, a bright smile on her face a she replied. "Ah yes, Dumbledore, feeling better already!" she said brightly, as she knocked a silver object off one the small circular tables.

   "Oops!" She brought out her wand. Shaeden didn't notice how Mcgonagall's face grew tighter.

    "_Reparo!"_

Shaeden also didn't notice that once the object was fixed and on the table, that she didn't relax until Tonks's wand was back in her pocket. If he had, he would have realized that this woman was more than a little prone to accidents. But again, he didn't.

Before anything else could be said there was a whirring sound, as came with the arrival of a person by portkey.

Whatever else had been about to be said then didn't matter. Because what happened the next moment would change everything he believed in forever.

Suddenly a figure in black was in the room. He spun around, having seen it out of the corner of his eye.

He turned and had just enough time to take in raven black hair, as the figure of his son fell to the ground without a sound.

I would like to thank all of the people who reviewed my first chapter. It really meant a lot to me! I haven't posted anything, and the fact that you all gave me such a good review inspired me to finish two chapters.

Barbara Kennedy – lol. Im curious to see where it foes too! I have no definite plot yet!

lillinfields – thanks! I definitely will continue it! I'm glad you thought so!

evil grrl 13 – Dance on, grrl! w00t! thank you. And thank you for beta-ing my first chapter. And telling me how to post. And for… you get the idea! I'm thankful! lol.

The Bloody Queen of Hearts – lol. Thanks! Im glad that you like it!

LordAngelus – Thanks! I will have more Lucius acting like a brother, but I didn't manage to work it in the next few chapters. The next 2 are mainly a lot of angst for everyone. But chapter 3 should have some of it! Thank you so much!

Renton – yay! I am glad you like it! I can't wait either! All the characters are going on a joyride courtesy of me. Too bad they will all do a lot of being sad, angry, and everything else. But it's all good. lol.

les – yay! I am extremely glad you do, as I am not really acquainted with I am glad that you liked the first part. Well, I hope you liked the second part. I hope you didn't just… I don't know, stop reading in the middle of the chapter. I would start to wonder at my skill… or lack of it. lol. I am really glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing.


	3. Anything Else Would Betray

Author: darkangel 

**                                                                       Behind The Masks**

          Summery: Severus Snape hasn't had a very good life. What made him decide to make the decisions that he did? What are the reasons that made him turn away from that path? His childhood, I think had something to do with it. *cough(abusive father)cough* This is not one of those ones where Severus is ten and we show his life, no, the war wages on, but with one little change. Daddy's back. OotP spoilers, but doesn't focus on book 6. 

                                                                                              ***

His heart seemed to have stopped beating. He couldn't breathe  as, as if in slow motion, the body of his son fell to the floor. He couldn't think. Everything had stopped. He stared at his son, unable to formulate any thought to lessen what was happening. He realized that his son – _his _son – was lying on the floor unconscious. Some thing in his head clicked.

_You're a healer, aren't you? You have a degree in medical science and precision, right? Well, there's someone on the ground unconscious, what the hell is wrong with you? Do something!_

All this happened in a matter of seconds. He took one step forward, but faster than a blink, Dumbledore was already there. No one even saw him move.  The moment Severus had appeared, without a moments breathe, Dumbledore was there.

He was still walking towards them when he remembered his promise to stay away. All he could do was watch as Dumbledore gently lifted Severus's head into his lap and brushed the hair out of his face. Mcgonagall and Tonks were still there, but they had gone deathly silent, apparently having never seen Severus back from a Death Eater's meeting.

As Dumbledore's wizened hands brushed away the raven black hair, he got his first look at his son's in twenty years.

_Long black hair… the pale complexion… the high cheekbones… the sculpted lips…_

Had he not been looking at this very image on the Express? He looked down at the mirror image of his own face. The long hair, framing the angular face. The full lips, and eyelashes so long they gave the appearance of resting against his pale cheeks…

His son gave the beautiful look of ultimate angelicy in his sleep. Yet… there was something else there too. Something that said he had been through much more than he should have been through. That said… innocence gone. Happiness… gone.  Contentment… gone.

It nearly made his heart weep.

He stared at the face of his son so long… before it registered. Dumbledore was cradling his son as if Dumbledore's own life depended upon his survival. __

_I've been replaced._

What? Where had that thought come from! Of course not, he hadn't been replaced! Dumbledore was just looking out for a colleague! 

With a tear running down his cheek.

Now, Albus Dumbledore was known for being calm and rarely showing what he was feeling. This wasn't giving Shaeden the best vibe. But then… he couldn't be replaced. How could Severus replace what he never had.

Even in his own mind… it was not a question.

                                                                                 ***

Dumbledore was there the moment Severus hit the floor, cradling his head in his lap, hoping against hope that his boy would be all right. He had looked after him as long as he could remember. He had seen the signs of abuse on him as a child, and had watched him harder than anyone knew. He loved this boy like a son, and as Severus grew it only got stronger. His intelligent mind entranced Dumbledore. And never had he met a soul so… craving for knowledge.

      But he could see it. Much as he tried to dissuade the boy, to tell him that life wasn't as bad as it had seemed all of _his_ life… he knew it would happen. The brilliant mind he so admired would be lost to the dark. And he could do nothing about it.

      So when Severus had come to Hogwarts, stood tall as possible, with the loss that had so changed him in his eyes… and showed him the dark mark, and said he would accept whatever punishment Dumbledore saw fit… his heart had brimmed with happiness. 

      But the loss… the mind was as brilliant as ever… but the heart… had never been colder. Severus knew that he would have to separate himself from others. Make himself look completely evil and heartless. Hate on all except his own. The misunderstood. The Slytherins. He could do it. He would do it. As a spy, he had to make all the Slytherins think he was loyal to only them, and he even made the rest of the school think it too. He had done better than expected.

      After Voldemort's fall, he knew he would be forced to stay on act, as the Dark Lord might return. So for years he waited, and for the years it took to perfect his act, the act ceased to be just that, and became him. He could not turn it off. The only one he seemed to regain a sense of self around, was Dumbledore. The man he considered more his father than either of the excuses life had given him. His mind automatically created the insults and sharp replies. He automatically sneered, and remembered not to smile or laugh for any reason. He also came to hate others for their happiness. The happiness he had almost had.

                                                                                      ***

      And now? Now his mind was blank, black, swirling in a mist he wasn't even aware of, in arms he wasn't even aware were holding him, with eyes jealous of those arms, watching him. He might have been in a rage to see who those eyes belonged to. Storm out of the room. Or remain saintly calm and walk out on him. But would he stay? Would he cry as he left? Or would he wish for something to throw at him?

      Where was his soul? Where had it been all these years? It had gone. Died with his heart, which he had left in the United Wizarding Memorial Grounds of Worship. A graveyard.

Than… suddenly the mist cleared. He was coming around. He slowly began to open his eyes, and found his vision blurry. Than he found everything very bright. He felt… heavy… and light…

Suddenly all he could see was a lot of silver. Dumbledore was bending over him, and he seemed close to tears… or at tears in that moment... He really couldn't tell through all the blood. He could hear Dumbledore speaking to him. 

"Severus? Severus can you hear me? Severus?"

Struggling to sit up,  he was pushed down by a hand on his chest. 

"Albus… I… am fine…" he got out, still trying to regain his composure, before finally collapsing into Dumbledore's arms once more.

"My dear boy, you need rest! Do relax! Do you require medical attentions?"

"Good… heavens, Albus…no… if she gets… hold of me… once more… I shan't escape again…"

Dumbledore's eyes regained their twinkle at the light humor. "Good! We don't want you running away from Madam Pomfrey again! She was trying to help, really! And you sneaking away, in the middle of the night…"

"I was… fine… still am…. Now… let me… up… "

"I will personally see you to the dungeons… come now…"

He helped him stand, and Severus leaned heavily on him, unable to support himself, unable to see, through the rivulets of blood streaming from somewhere in his hair… little did he know, that if the blood had not hindered his vision, he would have seen his worst nightmare in front of him…

"Please, Headmaster… get it off… I don't… want to wear it… any longer… than I have to…"

If the other people in the room were lost, Dumbledore surly understood.

Shifting Severus's weight, he gently unclasped the Death Eater robe, and removed it from his shoulders. He let it fall to the ground, heavily. Severus relaxed a little at the sound of it gone. If Mcgonagall had been shocked before, she was now. Trying to keep silent was hard… under the robe, Severus normal daywear was covered in blood. 

Sweat and blood made Severus hair frame his face in strands and render him sightless. Tonks was doing a wonderful imitation of a statue. This was the man she had made fun of in her head for his rigidity, his lack of humor. 

Suddenly she wanted to curse herself. Lack of humor? Who would find life humorous if they lived like this? 

"Come now, it's all right son, all right, we will get you to your rooms and heal you up."

Severus was shaking profusely and balancing precariously on the edge of consciousness once more. Only Dumbledore's voice calmed him down now. 

He tried to shake his head to agree with him, but it only made him dizzier. He stopped, putting a bloody hand to his head, closing his eyes momentarily. 

"Severus?" Dumbledore questioned, quietly, as not to upset his headache. 

     Severus waved is hand, signaling he was okay. He blinked, trying to regain his sight. Dumbledore made a movement with his hand, signaling with his hand that all should get behind the desk, where they would not be seen. They all moved silently, but quickly, Tonks knocked something over, and Mcgonagall's quick hand caught the delicate instrument just in time. 

"Severus? Let us go…"

"Mm."

That was the last thing they heard, the last sign, before he passed out in Dumbledore's arms once more, blackness overtaking him.

                                                                                    ***

Dumbledore caught him deftly, careful not to hurt his wounds. He lifted him into his arms completely, and made toward the door but stopped.

"Please… do not tell anyone of this… I don't think it would help him any to know that people had seen him this way. And most of all, he dislikes pity. Do not let him know you have this… please…"

All three muttered their agreement, and then he was gone.

                                                                                   ***

Severus had regained consciousness sometime in the night, and was given a rather strong dose of sleeping potion by Dumbledore, who was sitting in a chair he had pulled up next to the bed, and had been surveying him in since the moment he had set him in the bed, and locked the door behind him. 

Several times someone knocked on the door. By the sound of the approaching footsteps, and weight of the knock, he could tell it was Shaeden, Tonks, and Mcgonagall who had each come separately. They were, indeed, together in this, saying eventually one would get the headmaster to open the door, and then they would all come in. 

Dumbledore saw the strategy behind this, and laughed out loud. Well, almost. Loud noise would have awoken Severus, who was a very light sleeper. He had learned how to fight off the sleeping potion, and a number of other thing, with his mind, and his mind only. 

_Anything else could betray you…_

Those were the very words that Severus had used.  _The only safety is the one you keep… _And he knew that Severus didn't just mean a wand, a person, or a potion could – no – would betray you.

_But Harry fought free of Voldemort using his heart. _He had replied.

_Which will betray him, as  a heart betrays everybody. It already has, yet I must say, he is showing extraordinary resilience against it. But how long, Albus? How long until the Golden Boy sees how truly _wonderful _the world is… and then he begins to drown…_

_Severus, that will not happen._

_Really? It has begun already. When others expect him to act sympathetic, he acts it, even if he is not sad. When they expect him to be listening to their problems, he does. He doesn't hear them, yet makes sounds as if he understands, and cares _only for them…

_Really Albus, he has already done it. He has created a mask, to keep everybody happy, and then he seeks solitude in his own mind… and slowly begins to drown… to fade._

_Severus…_

_No, Albus, I am right, I recognize the signs from when I first felt them. He cant feel anymore, Albus. He pretends to, but he can't, and he is happy that he can't feel, that the pain has ended. But when he tries to feel… he can't. Not anymore. Can't do it, can't feel… It's too late. _

      That was when Severus voice became reminiscing, and he got a faraway look in his eye, and for a few seconds the mask slipped. You could see the pain in his eyes. The anger, the lust for revenge.

You could see what it had done. What must it feel like, to have the only person who had ever loved you ripped away by the person you serve, and to rid the world of them, to get your revenge, you had to force yourself to bow to them, day by day, and your only consolation from the pain and loss was that one day you might finally see him gone. And no one ever said thank you.

Dumbledore wondered what might have happened years ago, if someone might have thanked Severus at fifteen  for the hard work he did. He wondered how far that little consolation would have gotten Severus away from the road he chose.

                                                                                                      ***


	4. In The End, It's All For Nothing

                                                                                         **Behind the Masks**

Summery: Severus Snape hasn't had a very good life. What made him decide to make the decisions that he did? What are the reasons that made him turn away from that path? His childhood, I think, had something to do with it. *cough(abusive father)cough* This is not one of those fics where Severus is ten and we show his life, no, the war wages on, but with one little change. Daddy's back. OotP spoilers, but doesn't really focus on book 6. 

                                                                               ***

Severus awakened to a dull background of aches that settled over his body, generally his ribs and right leg. Right arm seemed to have gone numb. Someone stroked his hair with tender concern, almost as familiar as the accompanying pain. Severus curled his consciousness inward, gathering strength to fight the pain. Than he headed towards understanding. _Someone is touching me. _The next thought followed naturally. _Someone is close enough to kill me._

     It had become habit to wake without fanfare. He had trained himself to lie as still upon waking as he did in sleep, to breathe slow, deep regular patterns. He had studied awakenings until he had learned the subtlest cues to know one was awake, and had practiced long and hard to discard them himself until the procedure had become ingrained. It was now natural.

      Now hw had to assume he had awoken with the usual caution, as the other's gentle fingers continued  brushing strands of hair from his brow. Under normal circumstances he would have taken the time to orient himself, using feel and sound to determine time, place, and which of his two personae he needed to play. But a person within striking distance was an immediate threat. The fact that the contact was sympathetic meant nothing to him;  it was always those who should have cared the most in the past who had hurt him the worst.

      Without so much a warning tense, he sprang away and rolled into a crouch, facing the pace where he had lain. The abrupt movement flashed pain up through his stained ribs, and a spinning collage of lights across his vision.

"It's all right, now, my boy."

A buzzing sound in Severus's ears dissimulated the voice, and his sight faded to a uniform, gray curtain, behind which he could only glimpse a broad silhouette. But still, only one person ever called him that, and ion that manner.

"Albus?" he asked, voice cracked, throat parched.

"Yes, my boy, how are you feeling?"

What an odd question. He had never before pondered how odd it was to ask someone this, when you in fact knew they were not. Otherwise you wouldn't ask.

"Fine," he lied, not willing to show weakness.

_But better before I tried that. . ._

He had pondered many things before. He had even thought of what it would feel like to he drawn between four horses and suddenly have them start off in different directions. But never had he wondered at the meaning of a mall thing that one heard every day. It seemed odd that someone would ask, 'how are you feeling" when he had so clearly been unconscious for. . . for. . .

"Albus, what time is it?"

"Approximately three-thirty. You have been out since yesterday at this time."

"Hmm"

He said "hmm" because he hated it when people said "Oh." You could tell them that their math was incorrect. "Oh." You could tell them they had something in their teeth. "Oh." You could tell them you were about to kill them, or that the sky was falling on their head. "Oh."

It was literally the lowest form of vocabulary. 

He looked at everything through a dull haze, making everything swim. It seemed odd. He felt as if he had been discombobulated. From the inside out. It seemed as if. . . the world was spinning and he was falling. Falling slowly. Oh so slowly.  His body would no longer hold him up. He couldn't stand by himself. H felt Dumbledore put a hand on his arm, trying to help him stand.

He collapsed back onto the bed, feeling pain shoot through his body, resonating through his mind. Dumbledore helped him into a sitting position, and brought a potion to his lips. Weakly, he tried to push it away, but Dumbledore's voice calmed him.

"Come now, my boy, you must drink this if you wish to get better. God knows you've stood worse, but you must do this."

Severus allowed the potion closer to his lips. He could small the aroma wafting up to him. His keen potion senses detected a hint of ambigilous powder. Why he recognized this? Because it was only used in blood restorative potions. Which took hours to make. Some potions took mere minutes, while some took months. Blood Restorative Drought. . .

_Mix in the octopus powder. . . _

_Stir for five minutes, counter-clockwise. . ._

_Add two grounded beetles. . ._

_Let to simmer for two hours. . ._

_Add three quilts of ambigilous powder. . ._

_Let simmer for five minutes. . ._

_Stir every twenty seconds. . ._

_Add one drop of essence of silver. . ._

_Leave to simmer two hours. . ._

_Stir every twenty minutes. . ._

_Turn off heat. . ._

_Bottle immediately. . ._

Another potion lifted to his lips. By the smell. . . a Bone Replacement Drought. Another potion. A cuts and bruises healer that took ten minutes if prepared correctly. Another. And another. He vaguely heard someone say, "Sleep, now, my boy, sleep, how you have so earned it. I will be here in the morning." He seemed to be slipping away. . . . Was there someone touching him again? Someone gently stroking his hair away from his face again? There was. He tried to gather strength to fight, but the sleep encumbering him was so tantalizing. . .

Vaguely his mind registered that it was Dumbledore who was near, and that meant that everything was all right, that he was safe. Safe with the only person ever to have treated him as a son.

Those were his last thought as he slipped away into sleeps gentle embrace.

_The young boy stepped off the Hogwarts Express, happy that maybe he would be able to make his mother proud. His name Severus Snape, and he had just graduated from his second year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. After exams they had given the results back a few weeks later. There had been a flurry of chat and talk about their friend's grades, and small fights had broken out, about whose grades were the best. _

_Severus was very proud of his grades. He had told his mother that he would get the best grades in everything, and now he had done it. He looked down at his Exam results again, happiness filling him once more. He was not worthless. His father had said he was, but now he could prove it! He would finally make his father proud of him. Among all the bustle of students running for their families, he looked at his grades._

_Grade Key:_

_O* exceeds outstanding_

_O, outstanding_

_E, exceeds expectations_

_A, acceptable_

_P, poor_

_T,, troll (couldn't resist, ppl)_

_Charms:_

_Written: O_

_Practical: O_

_Complete grade: O_

_Transfiguration:_

_Written: O_

_Practical: O_

_Complete grade: O_

_Potions:_

_Written: O*_

_Practical: O*_

_Complete grade: O*_

_Defense Against the Dark Arts:_

_Written: O*_

_Practical: O*_

_Complete grade :O*_

_             He stared at his grades a while longer. They were the best in his house. Best in his year too. No one else got an O.*  Let alone four of them, to make him have two complete grades like his. James Potter got one in Charms. O.* But his written part was only an E. He got an O for his charms grade, but it wasn't an Exceeds Outstanding. Lily Potter got an O in the practical part of Transfiguration, but the written part id where she did best, with an O. Sirius Black got an O* in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Everyone who seemed to have gotten one, seemed to have botched up the other half of their exam. But not Severus. He had done it. And he would see his father proud. _

_             He went to school that year, knowing he was worthless, trash, and that all he wanted was to make his father proud. He had gone with full intention to get such good grades that his father would love him. Now he sat at the station, waiting to be picked up by his mother and father, and to show them his grades._

_They'll love me. They really will, I know it! This time, Dad won't hurt me, he won't!_

_Somewhere in the back of his mind, deep in the bowels of this memory, an older Severus screamed. He knew what would come next. Stupid child. Stupid reasoning. Shaeden most certainly would not stop hurting him. He would only beat him harder, crush any hopes he may have had._

_But it was too late; all he could do was watch, as the younger version of himself made himself believe the lies he was telling himself._

_The young boy suddenly heard someone calling._

_"Severus. Severus."_

_The call was made by his mother. Ammarie was a beautiful woman who would have aged gracefully, and lived on, but the beatings were taking their toll. She was frail, and looked constantly tired. Nevertheless, she tried to smile at her son, ignoring the look of brief fear that he quickly masked while looking at his father. Intoxicated father. People nearby looked at him, and made the connection. Who would have thought that the sarcastic loner would have a drunk for a father? _

_They all knew that he had the best grades of them all. It was well known that Severus Snape had gotten six O*'s and two were complete grades. That hadn't been done in a long time. No on else knew a another person to have done it. Still, no one congratulated him. Except Lucius.  He had always been there for him. Always. And here he was now._

_Despite all the people who stared at Severus and how he warily watched his drunken father, he still walked closely behind him, and whispered, "You can do it, just walk up and tell him your grades. Your mother will be proud."_

_"And father?" He whispered back urgently, nerves jangling._

_      "We will have to see. He is intoxicated now, that is obvious, but you must show him or else he will become angry you withheld it from him and think you had bad grades and tried to hide them or something."_

_Lucius walked at his side, and they stepped up to his family. He felt braver, with his friend behind him, and he managed not to stutter. . . too horribly._

_"Hi, mum, hi. . . dad. We – we got our exam results back. . ."_

_"Well, boy? Spit it out, how have you managed to ruin us this time, you good for nothing – "_

_"How did you do, dear?" His mother said, and Shaeden gratefully didn't notice being cut off. Nor did he realize it was for his own good, and that she had done it to make the street turn back to what it was doing. They didn't. Severus could feel all there eyes on him, as he handed what he and all of them knew were probably the best and hardest worked for grades in the school, to his mother._

_             She took it, and looked at it a moment, than she looked at him, with pride shining in her eyes, mingled with tears of happiness. He felt a warm surge flow through him – she was proud of him! He had done it!_

_Than it was his fathers turn. Only now just realizing the grades were upon them, he snatched out of Ammarie's hands and glared at Severus. The rest of the street watched Severus shrink back a little. He heard Black and Potter whispering and trying to repress silent laughter. Another surge went through him – this time of anger – if only they knew, he thought, if only they knew. But they don't. No one ever will. I won't let it get out._

_His father looked down at the grades in his hands. He looked up at Severus, eyes wide, and then back to the test results. All Severus could do was watch, and hope that he had done it. . . that he would finally make his father love him. . . that's all he wanted. That's all he had ever wanted. _

_"You liar!" His father shouted suddenly, throwing the paper onto the ground. Of course it was much too light, and fluttered to the ground. Just like his heart. _

_Which seemed to have shattered. _

_He had jumped back when the voice rang out, familiar as the feeling he got from it. He knew what would come nest. The beatings, the pain of trying to save his mother, who was huddled in a corner, bloody, and too scared to move as his father advanced on him._

_"Hey!" Lucius shouted, and he deftly bent down and retrieved the results from the ground._

_Everyone was watching now. They all watched as Severus Snape's father yelled about how he was  a liar, and worthless, and not able to get grades like that by himself. That he must have cheated. Or lied. That he was pathetic and didn't deserve the greatness that he had been given. _

_Severus just stared at him._

_"I thought – I thought that. . . if I got good grades that. . . that. . ."_

_"That what boy? You wouldn't be useless wretch anymore! Ha! You aren't worth licking my boots!"_

_"But I. . . I did this for you. . . I thought you would . .  if I was. . ."_

_He couldn't say it. He couldn't think it. How had he been so stupid? How could he think that his father would truly love him? He was just a stupid boy with no right to live, pathetic as he was. _

_His father got the gist however._

_"What did you think? That I would _love you? _Did you think I would_ care _for you? What an idiot! I will show you how truly stupid you are."_

_And right there, right in the middle of the street, he backhanded his son so hard that Severus fell to the ground. _

_Lucius's eyes widened. The exam results fell to the ground next to Severus._

_Severus gently picked them up and stared at them._

_They were pointless. They meant nothing to him now. He was no longer proud of them. It had all been for nothing._

_It had all been for nothing._

_It always was. No matter how hard he tried, nothing ever mattered in the end._

_He looked up from the ground, hearing a loud noise._

_It was Lucius. He was yelling at Shaeden to leave Severus alone._

_Lucius bent to help Severus up, but he moved away. Severus looked up at Shaeden with the cold weight of the truth lying in his eyes. His father would never love him. No one would. He was alone. Always would be and that was just how it was. He was useless. He didn't matter. It was painful, but this was the only explanation he could find. _

_He climbed to his feet slowly, and a single tear fell from his face. He turned from his intoxicated father, as to not let him see the weakness. Anyone would betray him now, They all knew. Everyone knew now. They had all seen. Black and Potter were no longer laughing. Lily Evans was staring at him with something like pity in her eyes._

_It made him angry._

_"Well?! What are you all looking at?! I don't need your pity!" He yelled, seeing it in everyone's faces._

_He abruptly turned away and headed in the other direction. And was faced with more people staring at him with pity in their eyes. They watched his mother take a step forward, towards her son._

_"Don't move, woman! Let him run away!" He said, slapping her across the face. Tears ran down her face as she cowered from him._

_He ran. He wasn't aware that he was running until he had hit something. Again he was thrown to the ground._

_He looked up to find himself staring into a pair of cool gray eyes that changed from angry to concerned as he realized his son's best friend had been the on to run into him._

_Severus couldn't take it anymore. The tears fell. Luthien Malfoy was at his side in An instant, arms wrapped around him. He gently ran his hands through Severus's soft locks, and asked what was the matter. Severus broke away, from him, folded his results in half and ripped it once, than again. He angrily threw them upon the ground._

_ Luthien  took him in to his arms again, and let the tears fall where they wanted He could see the results. They had been ripped but he could still see them. He smiled sadly at the realization of what had happened.   Lucius took care of the crowds. He used his most Malfoy glare to disperse the people. He had done most of a job. Lily Evans still remained. _

_"Is he alright?" _

_"He'll be fine. Now go away, and leave him alone."_

_"But –" _

_Listen, the only thing your doing, by still being here and giving him pity, is making him feel worse."_

_"Go." _

_And so she left. Doing a quick scan, he made sure no one was looking at them all. No one was. Smirking at his skills, he hurried to Severus. _

_His father still held him in his arms. _

_He whispered, "Those are very good grades, Severus, very good. We are all so proud of you for them."_

_Severus only cried harder._

_His parents were upon them._

_"Let the boy go. He'll only stick his germs on you."_

_"Let him." Luthien said briefly. "I was wondering if Severus could come by the manor this summer. I could even take him off your hands from here. Lucius needs company, and Severus is perfect."_

_He squeezed slightly on Severus as he said this, as if to mentally support him._

_"You want to take the wretch? Very well then. I don't care if you knock him around a bit, or if you give him back at all. Boy needs punishment."_

_"Very well."_

_Luthien had absolutely no will whatsoever to "knock around" Severus, and was very reluctant to give him back as he knew what would happen._

_They walked over to the expensive Ministry car Luthien had bought, he signaled the driver to get ready and he nodded lightly to Ammarie Snape, telling her that her son was in good hands._

_And then they were gone, fast as lightening, and carried Severus away from his family. But only for a little while. One never truly escaped from their past. Especially when they realized they had no hope of a normal life at the age of twelve._

_***_

~*~

First of all, yes I know they do not give out the exam results to second years. Also, I know they do not use letter grades, but percentages until O.W.L's, as Hermione got 312% in charms. I also know that to get grades like this is very hard. I myself, have nothing like it, except like. . . reading or something. Not math. Troll. I also know there is no such thing as O* but Severus is supposed to be smart, so I invented something better than the best just for him. Also, I am aware that everyone at the platform was watching, which should include muggles. It really doesn't matter, as no magic was used, but its best that we say there weren't any, as they most likely would have called the police on Shaeden.

No, this is not a LE/ SS fic. I am just making her worried, and this will explain to us why she tried to stick up 4 him in the pensive, she had enough conscience to remember he was beaten. LE/ SS fis rock, though. At least the ones where it means Sev is Harry's father. 

-darkangel 

~*~

**Scorpion** – thank you! Thank you so much! Im glad you like the structure of it, I was having trouble with this all today. Chap. 4 got completely erased. I was literally in tears. There is no worse feeling than your story being ripped away from you. : ( 

I am also glad that you liked the way I expressed Mcgonagall's body language, I am leading up to the point where we show why she reacted in that manner, but it won't come for awhile. I know I make a lot of mistakes. Many. I try to edit it as best I could, but it doesn't seem to work. : (   Hehe. lol. Your right. He would be a lot worse off with out Dumbledore. 

Also, he won't heal yet, but it'll come in awhile too. Thank you for reviewing. You gave me your honest opinion and that's the best I could ask forr. I also like how you posted on each chapter. It was easier to reply that way.

**toffee** –  lol. Thanks. Glad you like. : )

**Darkinfinity** – yay! I am glad you like it. It's my first story here. I have written a lot of fiction, but not on this site yet. This site is very advanced, and for people who are serious with their writing. I try to be as good as I can but that's not to say people will like it. But you like it! And that's what matters! : ) 

**Queenie** –  cool. Im very glad you liked it. And well. . . here it is! The chapters are relatively easy to do, not too long, not to short. There should be plenty of chapters in the future. And when this story ids complete, you will be one of the people at the top of the list that I thank for inspiring me in the beginning of it all. : )

**excessivelyperky** – wow! You really are perky! lol. Im glad that your glad that you ran across this story. Therefore, I am glad, and we are all glad, so I'm glad. I'm really surprised! I thought Lucius as a teen was really OOC, but I suppose you could think of it that way. I am also making Lucius's father kind, so its not Luthien's fault Lucius as we know him in JK's books happens to be mean. lol.

**evil *grrl* 13** –  lol. Here you go.! Did you know that danuchao13 is stefola?! I was so surprised! I honestly had no clue! Its so cool! And she hasn't written any of her own stories yet! We'll have to work on that! We could be her betas! (what exactly _is _a beta?) Well, I am glad that I have converted you to the eternal flame of "The Society of Insane Severus Snape Peoples" No? Not that big a fan yet? We'll work on that too. w00t

**Renton** – lol. I love Tonks too. She will play a bigger role too. Read my bio. You will understand what I mean. And I'm flattered you think I kept the all the characters in character. lol. And don't worry. Your not the only klutz around here! You put something in my had, and I will not only drop it, but knock something else over as well. Aar!

**melodie** –The rest has arrived! lol. Thanks for reviewing! Means a lot and definitely inspires more of "the rest" to come along shortly. lol. 

**danuchao13** – yay! Im glad you liked it!! I 'm glad you thought it was the best of them, but then. . . have you seen the wonderful stories on my fav. list? eh? eh? lol. I am glad you like it, stefola! Write a story, me and evil *grrl*13 will be your beta people. (when someone gives me more than a speck of knowledge on what a beta does)

**samson** – samson, your review was so wonderful that I can't really think of words for it! It made me all fuzzy! I am just. . . blown away! I love Dumbledore/Snape father/son fics. Im glad you think the idea was an original twist. I'm glad you can see the jealousy of the father, but you are right, nothing could replace Dumbledore. I am also happy you understood the way Tonks was thinking, and how she realized why. No one else really picked up on this. At least, I don't think. I honestly think your review has inspired me more than you know. Thank you so much. Well. . . here is that "more" and I am so happy! No one has called it "brilliant" yet!!! : ) 


	5. The Dawn That Held No Light

**                                                                        ~*~Behind the Masks~*~**

**Summery: **Severus Snape has had a generally hard life. Why? I'd say it had something to do with his abusive father. This is not one of those "Severus is ten and we show his life from there" No, the war wages on. With one change. Daddy's back. Set after OotP, but doesn't really focus on book 5. 

**     Disclaimer:** I do not own Albus Dumbledore, Mcgonagall, the school of Hogwarts, and several other things! Now, moving on! What?! What?! FINE! I DO NOT OWN PROFESSOR SEVERUS SNAPE!!! Happy now?! You've crushed my dreams!! *sobs*

**     A/N:** Yes, I know I have not been putting a disclaimer. I'll put one every five chapters so you know I haven't lost it and started believing I actually own Draco Malfoy. But really –  if you like Harry Potter enough that you would go read fan fiction on it, I think you would also know that the wonderful authorette was not darkangel. (me)

**A/N: **Chapter 6 is being worked on, and is 75% DONE. The reason it took so long is it was all one, till I realized how absurdly long it was. . . and I split it at a good place. I think. Wll, chapter 6 is almost finished. In about one day it will be here. And, Sorry about the author note about the fonts. I have replaced it w/ this, cause I thinks it's stupid to have these in the middle of the story. Thanks for being patient

. 

***

Severus abruptly woken. His vision had cleared some, giving way to the fact the Albus Dumbledore had fallen asleep while watching him. Severus's face softened while looking at the old man. __

_Where did that dream come from? I haven't dreamt about him since. . . it must have been years ago._

He didn't know where it came from, but it wasn't the most comforting thing that he could have dreamed about after a meeting. He looked at Albus.

_That is what afather should act like. They shouldcare about their child. Not be the cause of their sickness and pain. But no. Life never gives me a break._

Little did he know, but his father did care. He had, in fact, been knocking on the door every fifteen minutes, until the headmaster, quietly opened the door, told him Severus was sleeping, before having the door promptly shut in is face again, before he could say a word.  

As if aware that he was awake, Dumbledore began to stir.

"Oh, you have awakened! Well, thank goodness – oh, lemon drop?" he asked, shaking the proffered box in front of Severus, before realizing it was about four o' clock in the morning, and perhaps not the time for sweets.

Severus was never in the mood for sweets. Somehow he had never gotten that idea everyone had about eating sugar. It was very rare he ate more that what was necessary to keep him going, never mind bothering with cakes and such. But damn him, he loved Albus and his omniscient bag of sweets. He never took any when offered, but he loved that Albus would offer it to him anyway.

Maybe there was a reason why he had never gotten the sugar gene. No one had offered him anything more than what was needed to keep him alive.  Suddenly he kept wondering why he kept thinking of his childhood. It was something he had always tried his best to deny that he had ever had. Why was t all coming back now? What was that feeling in the back of his mind, that sensed something bad coming.

 Maybe it was just the fog in his mind.

As Dumbledore placed an order for lunch with Dobby, he leaned back, wondering how on Earth he had ever moved earlier. Pain shot through his body at the slightest movement, and made his head spin. Dumbledore looked at him in concern as he placed his hand to his brow to stop the door from making the banging noises it seemed to be very content to making.

The door wasn't making the noise; there was someone behind it. If he had been an idiot, he would have said "oh". Too bad it hurt to talk. 

Dumbledore realized his problem, and looked at the door in malcontent, unhappy with the disturbance. If any of them wanted Severus to get better than they had better leave him alone. But they wouldn't. He already heard more knocking. He felt quite bad about having slammed the door shut in Shaeden's face. He hadn't meant to. He hadn't known who was at the door, ands if it had been someone else he knew he would have snapped anyway. They needed to leave his Severus alone.

His Severus? _His_ Severus? Where had that come from? 

He honestly didn't know. He had thought like that before. Severus had been injured and Madam Pomfrey was suggesting he be taken to St. Mungo's. Oh my god had he thrown a fit. Who knew the level of trauma that his Severus had been through? _His _Severus? He would need support, something that no one could offer in the way he could. No one knew when to say it was going to be okay and hold him. No one knew the times where it was best to stay silent and just stay with him, supporting him without words, just telling him _I will never leave you._ No one. Severus was his child, and his child only.

Dumbledore remembered thinking that. He had felt very possessive. He had just held his sleeping child, and continued smoothing his boy's hair from his face, in the soft, constant pattern that Severus liked. 

Looking down at him again, he felt that same possessiveness come over him. This was his boy.

He felt the selfish urge to tell Shaeden that they were, okay, that they could manage just fine, and that. . . that he didn't want to lose Severus. He had a very strong relationship with Severus. He knew nothing could truly tear them apart, but. . . Shaeden had been invited upon his request. . . what would Severus think of that? And if they got to 

talking. . . there would be no room in Severus's heart for him then. He wouldn't need someone to act as father when he already had one. A real one.

The selfishness passed, and he wanted to curse himself for it. If anything he should be glad Shaeden was back. He would heal Severus. If he cared about Severus so much he would send Shaeden away, the only ting he cold do was to beg him to stay. And if they got closer, father and son, he should be happy for them! Not sit there thinking sorry thoughts for himself. The indecency of it! He knew there was no one who could heal the way Shaeden could. 

There had been a back article to the newspaper, one that explained that he had degrees in almost every wizarding problem that could hinder someone. If they got back together, he would be happy. If Severus was happy, he was happy. And he would see Severus happy, no matter what. So he had better start off with telling him that his father was going to be working for the order, and had, in fact, already arrived. 

Now he was under Severus's questioning gaze. 

_Why was someone knocking at his door, and why was Albus afraid to answer?_

"Albus. . . aren't you. . . going to answer that. . . ?" he asked, the words making his head throb.

"Aah. . . no. Not yet. And the person at the door doesn't really expect me to. Nor do the other two who have also been knocking upon your door."

"What? Albus. . . what do you. . . mean? Who is – " But he could not finish, as a bout of coughing shook his broken body.

"Now, now – do not speak." Dumbledore said softly, moving off his chair, and perching him self on the side of Severus's bed, as to be closer, and facing him, he placed a comforting hand upon his arm. God knows Severus would need it, after he told him what he had to say. Well. Better to say what you have to say, rather than put it off till tomorrow. Had he not spoken those words only yesterday? He had.

Sighing, and trying not to see Severus's concerned eyes upon him, lest he lose his backbone, he began. "Severus? I. . . you know how I was thinking of getting a healer for the Order? Well. . . I – I found one."

"That's. . . good" Severus replied. "Isn't it?" he added, seeing Dumbledore's worried look had not dissipated.

Again, Dumbledore tried not to look at Severus, as he knew that he would see those beautiful black eyes looking concernedly back at him. He did not want to hurt Severus this way. If Severus had waned a star, he would die trying to get it for him. But this was more. He wanted to never see his father again. And he was bringing his father back anyway. 

He gathered strength to continue," Well. . . I knew they were coming for the interview. They were scheduled to arrive yesterday, I was going to tell you then, but you got called, and I couldn't let you go with this weighing in your mind!"

"It's. . .  alright, Albus. . . calm down. . ."

"Well. . . after you were called they came in, and well. . . they agreed to take the position, and. . . Severus. . . it's your father. . ."

At first there was no expression on Severus's face. Then he calmly asked Dumbledore what he could possibly mean by saying that. 

"Severus. . . the healer. . . is Dr. Shaeden Snape. You father."

"I have no father." He replied, voice like winter's chill, words cutting Dumbledore's heart like a knife.

"Severus. . . Im sorry. . . it's the only thing that  I could do! I wouldn't have done it, but, I needed someone who could do the job, and he has degrees in every field! Many doctors just have a degree in one or two, and they specialize in that field. But Severus, he has done all of them! If anything should happen to you, he should be able to heal you!"  
  


"Oh, so this is for my own good, is it?!" Severus asked, voice rising in anger. "So, the man who did all the _beating_ gets to do the healing, does he?! Well, Im not letting him anywhere near me!"

"Severus. . . please. . ."

"No! Do you realize what he did to me?! Do you have any inclination of what he did to me as a child?! No, of course not, you can only know by living it."

 "Severus. . . oh, my boy. . . my dear Severus. . ."

 He gently bent and rested his head against Severus chest, and wrapped his arms around the body of his child.

That touch is what ruined it. The touch he had never felt as a child. He tried to hold it in, but he couldn't stop the one, lone tear that streamed down his cheek. 

Now Dumbledore fully gathered Severus in his arms. Dumbledore just sat, holding Severus in his arms, for a time that held no time, for a dawn that held no light.

How long they were there, he didn't know. Severus just lay in his fatherly embrace, clinging tightly to the only thing he had ever known as a father. A few tears fell, but he was not completely letting go of his feelings. Perhaps the world would collapse if he did. He just held fast to Dumbledore and didn't let go. And he never would.

Soon, due to the gentle stroking of his hair, in that way that always seemed to get him, and only Dumbledore knew, his muscles untensed, and he fell into sleep's gentle arms once more. Oddly, no more dreams surfaced. Perhaps it was because Dumbledore was watching over him. Maybe he would never know.

But it felt right to be there.

~*~

Awright. . . if you have any questions, e-mail me at darkgryffindor@msn.com

And hey? I was wondering if I should get a beta? If anyone wants to do it, just e-mail me.

And should I change my name to darkmage? It's a lot shorter than "The Bell and the Black Dragon."

 I think I will. 

~*~

**A/N:** I just wanted to say two things. One, I'm really sorry this part took so long. I came up with some writer's block, and then it was just so long. . . which is why the ending sort of… ok . . . **really… sucks. But two… I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! Really, you're all awesome. 24 hours since I put up chapter four and I had already gotten about 7 reviews a few more later on! *tear* I feel so loved. lol. I actually wasn't planning on doing any writing for a few days, but I will since you guys were all being so sweet and reading and **REVIEWING**. Very important part there. Very.**

*****

Even if you hate it, tell me. Hehe. Sorry if chapter five seemed a little short or rushed. I just wanted to post something for you guys and didn't have as much time as I would have liked to do so w/ out it being extremely long. Six should be better though!!!

**-darkangel** / **mage** **(?)**

~*~

**Renton** – Wow! Thank you! You were the first one to mail me w/ your ideas on it. I am really glad you like it! Hehe!  You're like Tonks? Then you're my kinda person! Tonks is gonna create havoc in like. . . a few more chapters. Not outrageous havoc, but enough for Sevvy to be clueless as to the fact the were meant to be. . . If you have any ideas I would like to hear them. Thanks again!

**samson** – Hehe. glad you like it. Here is more, M working on chapter six. (Six already? Wow!)

**scorpion – **yay! M so glad you like it! "Another well plotted and well constructed chapter" (Hehe! Happiness heard in background) I am so glad you liked the scene with Lucius, Mr. Malfoy, and Severus. I was worried no one would like it. Too dramatic, ya kw? But then here you are saying that "it worked out without being to over the top" Hehe. *grins*

**Don'twantyourhandthistime – **yay! I am so glad you liked it. I know, doesn't it make you sad? I have almost converted my friend into the *Secret Society of Severus Snape fans* Hehe. She's not even calling him Snape anymore! But. . . er. . . yeah, English is my first language. . . umm. . . yeah. I make a lot of typos. A lot. : )

**Desolator-the Dragon – **yay! I am glad you liked it! Here you go! Chapter 6 being worked on. . .

**evil*grrl*13/mystic-night13** – yay! I have a sign! But really! I think I have almost done it! You are a Sevvy fan! Hehe. I told you I would do it! *sticks tongue out at evilgrrl* 

**danuchao13 – **Yay! I am going to post more soon! Get your story on here! evilgrrl and me are your official betas now! Yay!

**mysticblackfairy -  **Hehe! I am so glad you like the way the story is written. I kinda didn't think I had much going on for me there. Severus is also one of my favorites in Harry Potter. Really! He is so cool! And, no matter how odd it sounds to others. . . he's hot. Some guys just have that appeal, and he's just dripping with it.

_~*~ _When JK created his character, I really don't think that she meant for a bunch of giggly fangirls to go on creating fan clubs and stuff abut him. She would be very surprised. lol. *Blesses JK*

**anonymous person– **I know. I made a little error. At the top I said it had nothing to do with book 6. Its book 5. I know, and Im sorry. But. . . who are you? And what do you think of the story? All you said is "there's not book 6, there's 5". 

???

**MajinSakuko – **thanks! Im glad you like it so far. If you read my bio, you will see that, yes, it will be SS/ NT. Lol. Im glad that there's someone else on this earth who agrees. Renton agrees too. I love Sevvy!! I like the way you called him "Verus" aaaw!! Well, your right, no, they haven't met yet. It will come up very soon. Of you have any suggestions on what shuld happen, than please, I would love to hear them. 

**zippy zany -  **Thanks for reviewing!!! Thanks for putting me on your** Author Alert List. **Im glad. Smart, too. I only have one story, so if I write anything . . . although I was thinking of writing a _Pirates of the Caribbean _fic, but I might not, it would take time away from writhing this.  Should I? Again, the thing about them not meeting yet. . . if you have any ideas, please send them along w/ your review, asap so I can start writing the meeting as soon as possible. Thanks again!!  : )

**~*~**

**Well. . . again. If anyone is interested in being a beta then. . . let me know. Besides. You get to read it first an just pick out all those annoying little errors that bug you every time you read, cause you ant help but see them. Its not that Im dumb, or because Im 13. I just don't know how to friggn type.**

**And please, I wouldn't mind taking a few requests or ideas from you guys. I might be able to work what you want into the story. I might not be able to get it all in there, and Im sorry if that happens, but I will try to make you guys happy. Really, I would love to hear what you guys want.**

** -darkangel**

**~*~**


	6. The Only Proof That Matters

**                                                                        Behind the Masks**

**Summery:** Severus Snape hasn't had a very good life. What made him decide to make the decisions that he did? What are the reasons that made him turn away from that path? His childhood, I think, had something to do with it. cough(abusive father)cough This is not one of those fics where Severus is ten and we show his life, no, the war wages on, but with one little change. Daddy's back. OotP spoilers, but doesn't really focus on book 6.

The three who had started knocking again in the morning all sat against the wall, looking very dejected indeed. For having not known each other, and in Mcgonagall's case, not liking one of them, they seemed to have hit it off quite well.

Tonks had seen the looks Mcgonagall kept giving Shaeden, and had been quite suspicious of Severus's father character. It was, after all, quite obvious who that was. Later Mcgonagall had found a second of silence with her, on the way out the door from Dumbledore's office. She had quietly but quickly explained what she knew of Severus's father.

The moment they were out the door, Mcgonagall started explaining all she knew. "That man who looks strikingly like Severus? His name is Dr. Shaeden Snape and he's Severus's father. He is a . . . _respectable_ doctor, but he wasn't always a doctor, and I still don't count him respectable. He was a drunkard." She felt strongly about other people's personal business, but she had to tell Tonks what she knew of the man, before she got swept into the idea everyone else had of this man being od a good character.

She was quite sure he didn't believe it. Maybe he did feel bad about his actions of before, but maybe he didn't, as he was too drunk to remember them. But now she had to drop the biggest surprise of all.

"He  . . . he beat Severus as a child."

Tonks gasped, and she continued. "He was always drunk, and I remember seeing him once, when he came to the school. Severus always had unnaturally wonderful grades. Worked harder than any student to ever attend this school, and I respect him for that. Well . . . I really shouldn't be saying this, and I do hope you wont tell Severus I said this . . . he wouldn't want anyone to know, as Dumbledore said . . . "

"Of – of course not  . . . I would dream of it, but . . . oh my . . . I never would have seen it coming."

Mcgonagall smiled sadly. "I know, if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes as I watched Severus grow up . . . I wouldn't have believed it either. It dreadful, the way I saw the child grow up. He was never properly taken care of . . . the mother was always afraid. I don't think she ever did anything to take care if the poor boy . . . Well, some of the times _Dr. _Shaeden came to the school . . . I truly saw the monster inside. He didn't even try to hide it. He beat his son in public."

 She remembered the report that Lily Evans had sent the moment she got home from the Hogwarts Express in her summer after second year. They way the girl described what had happened  . . . she knew it was true. It had to be. The girl wouldn't lie, but for anyone to have the gall to do that to a child, she didn't know, and one of her students, it was – she had wanted to track the man down and slap him right then.

She still had the letter from the young girl in her desk, locked in her files. She had grown to like that girl, Lily Evans. She had been wonderfully bright, showing much promise. Almost like young Miss Granger.  She could just hope that the same fate did not befall Miss Granger in this war, as it did Lily in the first. She had cried when the rumors were confirmed, and she was no longer able to deny what had happened. When Albus told her it was true, she could not deny that two of her brightest students had passed.

They had been her brightest – happiest, smartest, etc.! She could go on forever with descriptions of Lily and James Potter.

Severus Snape had, without a doubt, been her darkest student. The smartest she had ever taught, but he had an air of consistent darkness following him. He was a kind of loner. The only people he bothered talking to were Lucius Malfoy, and a few other Slytherins his age, and they all turned out to be Death Eaters. But the thing is, they became like family. Most the people in Slytherin weren't the ones who had a bad attitude.

 It seemed that the moment one was put in Slytherin, they were automatically cast out from the rest of the school. And what was worse – they needed the friends more than anyone would know. Until it was too late. Until they were in Azkaban. And the others said, "Always knew they'd turn that way; Slytherin, he was." They would never look down deep enough to realize that they had never taken the opportunity to be their friend. To get to know that person, and to know that they had saved at least one person.

She knew Albus had tried to save Severus. She knew that even when Severus was a student he had felt they way he did now; like a father. And she knew that when Severus had left schooling his seventh year  . . . she knew Albus felt like he had failed his child. Albus felt like everyone that went to his school were like a generation of grandchildren. And with each generation they added one more "grand" but they were no farther from his heart.

But Severus  . . . he was even more special. Dumbledore would give his life for Severus.

And Severus had already proved many times that he would do the same.

__

_He stayed. He stayed with me._

The emotion that suddenly threw itself through him he was not prepared for. But, it was a very good feeling. Then of course, as all good things are ended, memory came back. He remembered where he was, what was going on, and how truly screwed up his life had become.

_He's back. He's here. In this very castle. He's so close. Too close._

As if having a panic attack he surged from the bed. Or tried to. He didn't even move an inch, before a searing pain struck his side, and ended all thoughts of moving very quickly.  He had been injured at the meeting. More than usual. Normally he could just deliver his report, and fix a few bruises.

He began gasping for breath, unable to take the idea that his father was anywhere this close to him.

Once again, he was a child, lost and helpless, unable to defend himself against the monstrosity that threatened him. He couldn't take the pressure, once again, he tried to take action, to move, to do anything, but he simply couldn't do anything, but try and focus on breathing. Control. Control. He needed control.

Once you lost control, there was no going back. If ice cracked beneath you, the last thing you want to do is struggle until you lose your way back. He needed to find his way back, but he couldn't remember who he was, what was happening. He was blinded by panic.

But then his hand hit something.

He didn't know what it was, only that it was something to focus on, till it was all he could see, to just think about only that until he gained enough control to grasp reality.

He thought about the texture, soft, and smooth, weathered by age, and –

He realized. How could he have been so blind? He knew. It was the headmaster's hand. He suddenly felt all the tension seep put of him, as though someone had pulled the drain. He knew he was safe. Albus was here.

He gently arrived back on Earth where he was sane. Where things were screwed up, but where things could calm. Still focusing on the hand in his, he kept on focusing on it, until the blind panic faded, and he was once more staring at the face of Albus Dumbledore. It felt good to be home. It was where he belonged. It was where he was meant to be.

Yes, I'm back! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and the one after it. Yes, chapter 7 included here. Couldn't end it that way. I bet you will love the end of chapter 7, even though chapter 6 ended real bad. We got nowhere. But we will . . . (ooh . . . foreshadowing . . . dun, dun, dun!) lol. I really want to thank all of you have waited fro me to get back from my confinement of death. (groundation is terrible . . .)

Now for the replies to those of you who reviewed when I was grounded. I hope I have you all, but if I don't I apologize fiercely, and if you tell me I will personally e-mail you a thank-you and beg for forgiveness. Yes, that's right. I am fully prepared to beg! But, I may have had a mail problem and deleted some before I could thank you all. But I think I have all of you.

**dalamis – **Thanks! I'm glad that you like it. I thought it would be a good twist of a story to bring back his father while he was still an adult, instead of having done a fic where we show him growing up.

**sail – **lol. Thanks. I am really glad you like it. As it turns out, I am now ungrounded, so can read all you like. And now there another chapter after this, just waiting.** It has your name on it. **

**bookofdays – **thanks. Im really glad you like it, and I hope you liked this chapter too.****

**MajinSakuko – **hey. Im glad you like my story. so you think darkmage would be a real cool name? Thanks. You are the only one who said something about the name crisis.****

**chickens – **Im happy that you look forward to more, cause I look forward to writing more! lol. Im so happy to be back its makin me make really corny jokes . . .****

**Ella Palladino – **lol. Yes, I agree. Tonks/ Snape is the best ship ever. I have never actually read one though, which is the funny thing. You know, they probably have to be well written to like . . . I only hope I can pull that off for you and Renton, who also likes Tonks/ Snape. And as for some Tonks . . . read on . . .****

**Lady Rumbottom – **lol. Thanks Chelsea! ****

**GrayMyst –  **I. LOVE. YOU. Thank you so much! You gave me such a great review! You just gave me writing juice that lasts hours! I am so inspired! Greater heights, here I come!

Kira – lol. Thanks! blushes Im glad you like!! 

**shadoewhunter –** lol. Thanks. And thanks for telling me Dumbledore is OOC. Either people think my story is perfect, or they are afraid they will get me mad, but some needs to tell me these things so I can fix them! Thank you so much! I am going to use you as an example to everybody else. You people need to tell me stuff; Critique me as much as possible. I would be so grateful.

**Broadwaypoetess – **lol. Thanks. And I agree, LE/SS rocks! And I agree about the Severus being Harry's father ones. They do have to be well written. Like "_A Father's Sin_" by Severitus. Very well written.

Meagan –  lol. Thanks, Meagan. 

**scorpion** – lol! Thanks! I am so happy! Im glad that you think I dint get Severus too OOC w/ the distress level. I was worried that I might. Thank you for telling me. lol. I am also glad thant you think I put the distress on Dumbledore who outlets it in a good way.


	7. Laugh or Cry

**                                                                        Behind the Masks**

**Summery:** Severus Snape hasn't had a very good life. What made him decide to make the decisions that he did? What are the reasons that made him turn away from that path? His childhood, I think, had something to do with it. cough(abusive father)cough This is not one of those fics where Severus is ten and we show his life, no, the war wages on, but with one little change. Daddy's back. OotP spoilers, but doesn't really focus on book 6.

The three still sat lined up against the wall, very tired and Tonks had had nodded off and fallen asleep only woke up when she fell sideways into Mcgonagall's lap and the older witch made a sound like an angry cat.

Apologizing repetitively, she quickly sat up and checked the time on her watch. She had been doing this every ten minutes or so, and it was beginning to get on Mcgonagall's nerves so much that she thought she mightn't just steal the thing away and snap it.

Shaeden was looking down at the floor with a look of self-disgust very ill hidden. She almost felt sorry for him. She could tell his pain wasn't just dressing. At the sight of his unconscious son, there appeared upon his face a look of such pain and sadness so genuine the greatest actor couldn't fake it.

Suddenly she thought again of Severus. She knew it would take time to heal. But it was tough process. And they really were making things worse. He needed time alone.

She thought abut how obvious the father/son relationship between the headmaster and Severus was. She wondered how that made the older Snape feel.

Well, it was quite obvious. Having had the door shut in his face by someone keeping him away from his son . . . and being a doctor with more degrees than anyone in St. Mungo's . . . he must feel pretty bad abut not being able to do anything . . .

"Someone should go up and knock again," she remarked, not really in the mood to stand. None of them really were in the mood to get up from their stationary positions from the ground.

"Yeah. Someone should go check," the doctor said in a hollow voice.

"Mmm-hmm."

"Well?" said Mcgonagall, "whose going to go?"

Severus had been staring at the soft features of Albus Dumbledore for a while. It kept him peaceful. But then Dumbledore, as if somehow sensing the attention, woke. He opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was his child lying next to him, black eyes staring intently at him.

"My boy . . . what are you doing?"

"Meditating."

An amused chuckle. "Really?"

"Mmm-hmm."

Dumbledore looked lovingly at him and shifted closer, and Severus drank in the warmth, burying his face in Dumbledore's chest, now a mass of long black locks. Dumbledore looked at him, a thoughtful look upon his face. He could not properly take care of Severus, he knew. What with the war, he would not always be around to take care of Severus, and by the enormity of his wounds, Severus would not be going anywhere for a while.

As for Dumbledore, he already had an appointment set with the Minister for today. He thought about canceling it, but it couldn't be done. They had just gotten the minister on their side. And Severus knew of this appointment and would never allow it. He needed someone he trusted to take care of him. Then a wicked thought sprang to mind. If the three outside were so intent on not leaving Severus be, then why not help him out. One them would surely be willing . . .

"Severus . . . you are not going anywhere today. You are going to stay in bed for the rest of today and then as long as it take fro you to heal."

Not saying anything, Severus listened and waited for Dumbledore to continue.

"I wish more than anything that I could stay here with you, and I would take you over the minister any day, but I must attend this meeting."

Severus shivered at the word "meeting," but he let it go and tied to focus. Oh, yes . . . There had been a "meeting" set with the Minister for today . . .

"And . . . well . . . I quite thought that there should be someone with you for the next few days.

Severus remained silent. After all, Albus had always let him speak his piece before adding in his share. By that did not change the fact that Severus did not like where this was going, and knew he would probably like it even less when he got there.

"And . . . you know how I said that there were a specific three people outside you door . . . well . . . I was thinking that perhaps the next one to knock on your door shal be the one to take care of you . . ." He trailed off here, wondering what Severus would make of this statement.

He watched his child lean back and look at him with those eyes that would make him for anything, and gently whisper, "No. Way."

Having known this to be the answer he smiled slightly. "Well, why not? They are so enthusiastic to be of assistance . . ."

"You know what that is risking . . . you know who could be outside that door . . ."

"It couldn't hurt to just try . . . and I promise if it is . . . _him_ then you won't have to go through with it."

"I'm not . . ." he trailed off, not willing to admit weakness, but plunged on anyway, "I'm not . . . I'm not ready to see him yet . . ."

Dumbledore's heart melted. He leaned over and wrapped his arms more tightly around Severus, and placed a fatherly kiss upon his forehead. Severus visibly relaxed in his arms, and Dumbledore smiled.

This magical moment was rudely disrupted by a hesitant knocking on the door. Undoubtedly the person behind it was near exhaustion, so tired did that knock sound. Severus eyes shot open.

Dumbledore untwined himself from Severus, and gently placed another kiss on his forehead, before making his way to the door. Severus was near another panic attack. "No!"

Dumbledore turned. Someone must look after you while I'm away." He whispered.

Severus shut his eyes. He knew Dumbledore was right. The best he could hope for was that it would be Mcgonagall.

_Please . . . Please . . . don't let it be him . . . please don't let it be him . . . anyone else! God, give me Potter and Black back from the grave, but don't let it be him!_

He heard the click of the door being unlocked. The suspense was too much and he had opened his eyes. One second before the door swung open he opened his eyes, and there it was.

Well. It wasn't him. But it wasn't who he wanted it to be either.

Tonks, of all people stood on the threshold.

"Finally! I have been waiting hours and – Professor! Are you all right?"

He groaned and said," I don't know . . . I really don't know . . ."

And he didn't know whether to laugh in relief – or to cry in despair.

Well . . . that's it. Chapter 7. I hope you all enjoyed it. What really happened, is that I thought that with chapter 6 and 7 as one, it was too long, so I decided to split it up into two chapters. It really doesn't make a difference, it just looks neater, and they way I have them when I write it's a lot easier on me.

Well, I really hope you enjoyed it. I know you all been waiting for a little Tonks action ever since you knew she was in my story, so I decided incorporate her in nicely. This story is already completely planned out in my head. You are gonna love it.

What I want you to do is go to my fav. List and click on "_The Price of Vengeance_" It's a really good story. I discovered it after I have been writing my story, and I thought it was really cool that someone out they had the same type of idea as me.

 If you like stories with adult Severus meeting his father, it is a really good story, and I must say, it's better than mine. It is very well written with too many twists to get around. You would love it. The only thing I worry is that you'll like it better than mine! Lol. Really, It is a great story.

I really want to thank you all for reading and waiting for me to get back. I want thank those who put me on their fav. Stories list, or fav. Authors list. It really does mean a lot to me. And those of you with me on your author alert list are real smart, cause I only have one story, so it tells you whenever I update this story.


	8. Learning The Difference

**                                                                            Behind the Masks**

**Summery:** Severus Snape hasn't had a very good life. What made him decide to make the decisions that he did? What are the reasons that made him turn away from that path? His childhood, I think, had something to do with it. cough(abusive father)cough This is not one of those fics where Severus is ten and we show his life, no, the war wages on, but with one little change. Daddy's back.

 OotP spoilers, but doesn't really focus on book 5.        

A/N: Hi. Sorry this chapter took so long to write. I am trying to put all the events into a sequence to where they add up. There's more to this story than just "Severus's father was abusive, now he's healer for the Order. I have been trying to hint at something that doesn't have anything to do with Shaeden. I'm really not sure its working. I'm a very subtle person – but I'm having trouble laying this in sequence so you all know there's something going on, but then you find out all of it, and don't see it coming. I'm gonna drop ALL the info at once, in such a way you never saw it coming.

 I think lesson 1 which will make you wonder without knowing will be in this chapter. And to those who wanted more Tonks action . . . beware. It has arrived, and from this chapter on she will play a bigger role. I hope this doesn't ruin the plot for you. But don't worry, the drama and angst are main. There are only 2 categories and romance isn't big enough to fit in either. But hey, this isn't a soppy romance, but its gonna happen anyway. I mean, who could have Tonks in a story and not have her fall in love w/ Severus? Its perfect. I will do my best to keep her in character w/out ruining Severus's' life too badly, though. Don't be afraid.

Be very afraid.

Tonks had no idea what she had gotten herself into by knocking on that door, at that time. She had no idea that she had locked her own fate into a bottle and the headmaster was a bout to dump that bottle out – onto Professor Snape. Oblivious to the great look of amusement on the headmasters face at Snape's reply, she kept on.

"Well, we've been a waiting a long time, to see if you're all right. You want me to get them? They're just outside – "

" – NO!!" Severus shouted, throwing himself nearly off the bed, to stop her from getting the others. The effort used to expel them was too great, and he had to lean back down upon the bed, clenching his teeth in pain.

"What I mean to say is . . . what I mean is . . . just not yet. They don't need . . . to know. I'm . . . fine. Yes, fine." He stammered out, gaping every few seconds in pain.

He hated showing weakness, especially to her, as she had seen enough of it from him to last. She had seen him after a meeting, for Slytherins sake! Not all meetings were this bad. The Dark Lord was very unhappy with is followers after the last attempt to gain something he vitally needed had failed. Severus had been given the night off.

The Dark Lord intended him to make a potion that slowly burned people skin off at the place that it placed. Yes, most venoms and poisons could do this, but the Dark Lord wanted to know he could be trusted. So Severus did as told. He had no choice. He had to stay at Hogwarts, well aware of the battles taking place. He did, however, have to leave to check up on Black, after the Potter boys cryptic message was given. He was hardly aware that it would be the last time he saw his nemesis.

He didn't like Black, but he felt the pain of losing another comrade. He had not liked or respected him, but as he had defied the evil his family openly embraced, he felt a slight bit of anger he had not been able to do anything to help that night. He would, for some reason always remember that last time he spoke with Black. It had been just the same as all other times. But he remembered it in great detail, and, had it been any other time, and not the time it was, he felt sure he would not have remembered it so . . .

He had been sitting in his classroom, grading papers – or at least looking like he was, because in actuality he was just sitting there thinking about all the things that had transpired years ago. The things that he had not been able to accept then. The things he wanted more than anything to take back. But then, he wondered, where would I be now, had I the power to change . . . certain things?

There had been a knock upon his door. Just by the sound of it, and the way it had sounded across the room, he could tell, not only that it was a Slytherin, and also that it was Draco Malfoy. Wondering what the hell he was wanted for this time – last time he had came knocking he had walked into a most delicate situation. Potter and he on opposite sides of the desk, standing, wands raised . . . he couldn't possibly imagine what Draco had thought was going on . . . but then, Montague had been stuck in a toilet, and allowances had to be made . . .

So, enjoying every moment of it, he told his lie. Remedial Potions, indeed. The boy could certainly use the damn lessons . . .

So, in his usual voice he had intoned, "Come in."

Draco Malfoy had entered, looking very smug.

_Hmm . .  . Maybe Potter's got himself stuck in a toilet this time . . ._

He had had no idea just how serious it was. "Ah, Draco. What is it?"

"Headmistress Umbridge, sir. She requests your presence for . . . a certain predicament that had arisen."

"Ah. I see."

That night was a bloody nightmare; he still recalled walking through those doors and seeing the struggling children. He had, of course looked upon them with complete indifference, and, upon leaving the room and planning some way to free them, discovered that, with Potter's cryptic message, that Sirius Black was being held by Death Eaters. He had no proof; so he went to get some.

He had taken a portkey to Grimmauld Place, and silently used a spell to get himself inside, without alerting Mrs. Black's portrait; it was not that she would yell at him, he just fund it unnerving when she actually greeted him. No, Mrs. Black's portrait seemed to have a liking for him, and it was really quite unsettling.

He walked a few steps into the hall, darkened as it was, and saw Black's shadow in the next room. Thanking whatever god watched out for Death Eaters with a conscience, he walked to the room.

"Black." His voice belied any happiness he had felt at finding Black alive. It would not do to lose another member of the order.

Startled a bit, Black turned, and replied," Snivellus." Black's voice dripped in repressed hate.

"Oh shut up a minute will you?" Black's mouth opened angrily at this, but he had tumbled on.

" I have come because I heard that the Dark Lord had you held captive in the department of Mysteries. Apparently the Dark Lord sent Potter an apparition that you were, and he ran immediately to the one place he knew Umbridge to not have wards in the fireplaces – the Headmasters office." Speaking louder over Sirius, who was trying to cut in, he continued, "she had not put wards on the fireplace, he was right in this, but she had had wards on the office doors. She had him captive along with several other students who were trying to help him communicate with you; Hermione Granger, Ron Weasly, Ginny Weasly, Luna Lovegood, and Neville Longbottom.

"Apparently Umbridge was looking for a way to find out where you were and requested that I bring along some Veritaserum. I had, in fact, given her fake Veritaserum earlier. I lied and told her it was my last and it was foolish of her to use it all. She was . . . displeased I couldn't have another bottle until the nest month. So she _asked _me to leave, and then as, I was going out the door, Potter suddenly shouted a cryptic message telling me what he had seen. But since you're well, alive, and not captive I think I shall go back and your idiot godson out of the mess he has created."

Black stood for a second, processing this, and slowly said, "Why would Voldemort want Harry to think I was at the Department of Mysteries? He's not acting now, is he? Has he already made his move?"

"I don't know . . . first priority is getting the boy out, and then we can work on why . . . I think its time everyone stop treating him like a child. If the idiot had known the Dark Lord had been planning this, he might have not rushed off like the idiot he is and gotten himself caught."

"I wanted to tell him . . ."

He had been a bit surprised Black didn't just blast him away for calling his godson an idiot . . .

He went to turn away, when suddenly, Black bursted," I think Kreacher's coming!"

The Order had been very careful in regarding this case. Hey could not release the elf because he knew too much. But if he knew Severus was a spy and something happened, whatever it may be . . . he was in trouble with the Dark Lord. Severus heard the elf's light footsteps coming down the stairs, and his insane mutterings to the painting of his Mistress n the wall as he went by. He was headed toward their room.

Severus looked around for a way out but there was none too be had. He was going to have to hide somewhere in this room, and he had better think fast or he would be seen by the house elf for the first time. Looking around, he listed his options and ticked them off. Black didn't know what to do. He watched as Snape's eyes flicked all around the room and he quickly calculated where he was least likely to be found. Black saw him look at the ceiling once more.

He had made his choice.

Taking his wand from his robes, he had pointed it at the ceiling and ropes had shot from the end. They had attached and wrapped themselves around the rafters and lifted him off his feet one-handed to the ceiling. The small elf entered the room, looking to the floor as he walked, and then saw Black standing in the room. Black, who had been a grand liar in school was acting very stupid.  He had been amazed when the Professor just catapulted himself up to the ceiling.

Trying not to look at the darkened ceiling so high above him, so high he couldn't even see where it ended, he looked everywhere else. The elf noticed nothing of Black's odd behavior, and continued to work on muttering about what a shame Black had been to his mother, in a loud voice, and then claimed to have said nothing.

His grip was weakening. He could not hang one-handed from the high rafters much longer. He couldn't hold on with both hands as he was searching his pocket for the ropes he held. He located it, and swung it a few times, and let it climb to another rafter. He held on to it instead, feeling the pressure of an old wound on the left side of his torso relax as he released the ropes he had held with his wand. Now, hanging by his right hand, he began to climb further up until he could actually  climb onto the rafters, using the ropes only as extra support as to not fall over. He could now sit and watch the proceedings below.

Black was busy trying not to give away the man's place. Sure, he hated the git, but, – he would never say it aloud – he was a help to the Order, and his death would man nothing, and, in fact, ruin quite a lot of things. He chanced a look up. He could barely see. The tall arched ceiling, hundreds of feet above him, was entirely black, and therefore, the clack-clad man could barely be seen. He could barely make out an outline of Snape climbing up the ropes as easily as walking on the ground. Git.

Half of him wished the git would fall. The other half wanted the idiot elf that ruined everything to go away so the man could get the hell off the ceiling.

The elf kept muttering on distractedly.

"Kreacher. What. Do. You. Want?"

"Kreacher is wanting nothing, sir," the elf said, looking up at the last of the Black's with respect.

Then, looking at the ground once more, he muttered, "Except to be ridding my Mistress's house of the foul vermin that now walk it . . . oh, if my Mistress knew, if she had ever been told . . . if she had known her shamed spawn would be back, she would have burned the house down . . . poor Mistress, poor Kreacher left alone . . . with disgraces roaming . . . and the child . . . just as bad, wandering with mudbloods and half-bloods . . . "

"That's it! Out! You don't talk about Harry, you hear?! You hear?! Never! You don't have the right to speak of him! You don't even have the right to think of him!"

"Kreacher is leaving, sir. Kreacher is doing nothing wrong sir, to deserve what he is getting . . ."

"Get out of my sight." This was  the cold reply Kreacher got. And it was the coldest Snape had ever hear him sound.

But Kreacher left. And, only after checking to see that he had truly gone, Snape used his wand, once again attached ropes connected to the tip of the wand to the high ceiling, and let the long ropes gently bring him to the floor. He hurt a bit, from old wounds pressured, and he hadn't been sleeping well and this ordeal had ired him, but he let none of it show. He dropped down and looked Black in the eyes. He knew Black had never had a proper family. Their families, were in fact somehow connected, but distantly, and he didn't truly know how.

Black, like him, was not born into loving conditions. But Black _was _born into a family who led him to believe he was better. Maybe not as good s his brother, but he had been led up that way. Severus had no siblings, and his father had never loved him; he had only just stopped beating him when he moved on to telling him how worthless he was. His mother could have never cared. Then she would have left, taking him with her, and not have married another scum, even worse. Adrian. His step-father. But he had got his own, in the end. But Severus felt no better on hat subject now that he had . . .

He realized Black wasn't always the man he thought him to be, just as he wasn't the man others thought him to be.  And in that moment, Black took everything he had once known about Snape and reassessed it also. Nothing had transpired to bring on this epiphany. Nothing. This was routine; Kreacher comes, Snape hides.

"Well . . . I suppose I ought to be going on and freeing your godson now. "

"yeah . . . please . . . get him out . . . he was just trying to help me . . . I wish I could help."

" . . . I know."

It was probably the first time he not tried to degrade him. He had, so many times, told the man things about how he was useless to the order, hiding away, enjoying his rest . . . but he knew the man didn't. And he knew that the man would give anything to be able to help his godson at this moment.

Sirius looked at him and said, "Thank you." And he knew Severus Snape understood. He himself had many times said that Snape hadn't changed sides. That Snape did not risk his life just by breathing. By having the memory of helping Harry Potter in his mind. But he knew better.

Their words hadn't been the most life changing, but they both understood. Sirius inclined his head. Severus inclined his back in good-bye.

It was the last time he would ever see Sirius Black. By time he got to Hogwarts, Hermione Grange and Harry Potter would have already managed to escape. They would be heading to the Forbidden Forest. He would alert the Order when they didn't return. But he would be forced to stay at Hogwarts. He could not publicly aid the headmaster.

But he would always remember the last moments he shared with Sirius Black. And remember that the man who died was not who he had always thought him to be.

This is chapter 8. I am sorry I can not give you chapter 9 for a while, as I am in a story contest. I have to write a story on a picture they gave me.  Wish me luck. Winner gets $100 gift certificate on Amazon.com. I could get a lot of books that way . . .

I cannot thank all of you that reviewed chapters 6 and 7. My email emptied and I just want to thank you. You know who you are. Or even if you don't, you are reading 5this, so thanks anyway. I put you all above the $100 bucks, and I will try but Im in so . . .


	9. Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid

**Title: **Behind the Masks  
**Author: **The Bell and the Black Dragon  
**Rated:** PG-13 (violence, language...)  
**Chapter: **The Ninth.  
**Chapter Title: **Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid.

**Summery:** Severus Snape hasn't had a very good life. What made him decide to make the decisions that he did? What are the reasons that made him turn away from that path? His childhood, I think, had something to do with it. cough(abusive father)cough This is not one of those fics where Severus is ten and we show his life, no, the war wages on, but with one little change. Daddy's back.

Severus Snape was not in a good mood. Tonks was trying to chalk it up to the fact he was in pain. She even went as far as to try and think it was hormones. But no. He simply did not want her there. That was obvious. But why he had to be such a jerk when she was only just trying to help...

He had been the most irritating person she had ever had to spend the day with. He had called her "Mistress Nymphadora." Many women would think this great. Being called "Mistress." It was almost a sign of respect. She told him to call her Tonks. He decided to call her "Mistress Tonks." She hadn't yet succeeded in stopping him.

He knew he could get away with it, as it sounded respectful, but she could tell he took delight in her spluttering for him to stop. She thought back to meeting him at a gathering of the Order. She had heard many things of him, and had respected him greatly for his work. She remembered when she had met him. She introduced herself. He greeted her (called her "Mistress Nymphadora"), but he was a little... stiff.

He had almost looked as if he was mocking her.

Dumbledore had told her of him. Of how he was an ex-Death Eater, double agent, spy, and one of the main catalysts in the overthrow of Voldemort in the First War. From the students who had been staying at the Order she gotten this much: he was apparently cruel, sadistic, and enjoyed attempting to poison his students. She thought it was part of his cover, no one could be that malicious and cold-hearted.

Just when she was wondering what the children said about _her_ behind her back, she actually met the man.

He had a tongue like a whip, and wielded his weapon well. He wanted her job, and there was a time when he would have killed her for it, because he wanted it, she was in the way, or just to prove he could. She knew all about his past. Dumbledore had told her everything. With Snape's permission, of course. He hadn't known her, but had understood that she had to know. She almost looked fondly on his skill. But she looked very indifferently toward him.

She didn't want him hurt, but hadn't really tried to get along with them since their first meeting. But seeing him, after his meeting ... she couldn't ignore him. She wanted to see him safe. But then, she had gotten her wish, hadn't she. She had actually begun cursing Dumbledore under her breath.

Snape was literally driving her stark-raving mad.

She was trying to help him sit up, so he could drink a little chrysanthemum juice, but he kept trying to do it himself, insisting he didn't need help. Then he would promptly fall over again, and it would repeat.

"C'mon, just let me help –"

" –No, Mistress Tonks, I don't n-need your assistance... "

"Ah-hah! You stuttered! You need my help, Snape, come on, I'm just trying to –"

"Well, I don't need you to!"

"STOP SQUIRMING, YOU IDIOT!"

Dead silence.

"Okay."

"Now. I am go

ing to help you up. You are gong to drink your dandelion juice. Then you are going to take a nap. Any questions? Good."

So it was that the dandelion juice was drunk. She wondered at the fact that the moment she began yelling it stopped him doing anything. And there had been a temporary fear there, almost as if he had had people screaming before...

Hmph. Of course he did., Only way to make him do something. She brushed it off as him being afraid of the female anger. After all, "Hell hath no wrath greater than a women scorned... " or something ...

But then he went out and faced Lord Voldemort, defying the evilest wizard ever known. He was the Hitler of the wizard. She didn't think it possible that anyone could be scared of little mini her. So why did he react that way? She remembered what Mcgonagall had told her of Snape's father... she could think it possible... but then, if anything of the sort had happened to her, she knew she might not forget it soon. It was one of those things that didn't pass, but she couldn't say how she knew that. She hadn't been subject to those kinds of tortures in her life.

She had been subject to prejudice of some sorts (for some reason people didn't really trust those who could change their features one at a time, but could make themselves look like anyone they wanted... she never really got why...), but never having her parents abuse her. It was unheard of.

She almost wanted to ask Severus Snape if that was what he was thinking, but, for all her clumsiness, she knew that some things were better left unsaid.

At first he was amazed at the weakness I had been displaying. He couldn't even stand up. He couldn't even sit up. He was acting as weak as his father had always said he was...

_No. Just because he's here, it doesn't change anything... You are still able to take care of yourself; you can stand up him, whatever he throws at you... _

But he was more determined then ever to get up on his own, just to prove he wasn't weak. He could stand up, unlike all the other times he was left alone on the floor to cry, unable to stand, before he realized there was no such things as tears. There was only weakness.

And he had realized he had to stop being weak. His father left, or rather his mother got the strength to leave, but it was in vain, because the person put in his place was no better. He hadn't had tears for this man. This man, who had married his mother, this man who had beaten him, at the age 14, he had lost his mother because of that idiot. And he had to stay with him.

His violent step-father. It was only when he had run away to the Leaky Cauldron, step-father fallowing, that he begged Tom for a room, and not to let his step-father in. He could still see the understanding and sympathetic look in Tom's eyes, and he gave him that room, and let no on enter, just came to visit, and ask if he was alright.

But he had gotten his revenge. But he didn't look on it fondly as he once had. He was ashamed, how he had asked to be allowed to be the one to do it... . But then, other things had happened. And the tears came back. And then so did he.

He had a job to do and he would do it. But right now, he was having a hard time accomplishing his little self-appointed job. He still couldn't get up.

"C'mon, just let me help –" _What, does she think I'm handicapped? I don't need her help!_

" –No, Mistress Tonks, I don't n-need your assistance... " _Oh god. He had stuttered. She was definitely going to notice that – _

"Ah-hah! You stuttered! You need my help, Snape, come on, I'm just trying to –" _Damn. She noticed. I better set her straight in this:_

"Well, I don't need you to!"

"STOP SQUIRMING, YOU IDIOT!"

His first instinct was to hide. As it was, he couldn't move. But that didn't stop him from flinching. All he could remember was someone else screaming at him. Calling him an idiot. So he just stared a moment, completely terrified, unable to think and speak. He couldn't even see her for a moment. To him, his father was standing right in front of him, hand raised, blaring about how he'd never be anything, how he would never be loved, how he didn't deserve –

And he was back. Tonks was standing in front of him, hands on hips, glaring at him, at ropes end, it would seem.

He was extremely relieved. Extremely. He made a small noise, (thank god it was too low to hear) and whispered, "Okay."

Realizing how weak he sounded, he brought his familiar mask into place. The mask he had had to wear for over fifteen or sixteen years. The mask he could barely tell from himself anymore. He brought his face to its closed state once more, silently regarding her.

"Now. I am going to help you up. You are gong to drink your dandelion juice. Then you are going to take a nap. Any questions? Good."

This is chapter 9. I have just finished it, as of two seconds ago. But I'm not posting it until I have chapter 10 done, because this chapter virtually got us nowhere. I just had to have a chapter showing just how 'great' things were going between them. So now I will start on chapter 10. I have the entire plot of this story. I know where Im going with it, but I can still take in a few thoughts or requests. If there is anything you think that would go well in my story, please tell me.

And I am to righting chapter 10, 'cause they still haven't spoken to each other yet! 8 chapters and still no communication? Well, I tell you, that's gonna change…. That's called 'slowly' leading up to a sequence. I HAVE GOT TO GET US SOMEWHERE NOW!

Click here: ….please? puppy dog face

V


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